i wish...

i wish i knew God better.

i wish i knew what i'll be doing in 3 years. or even just one.

i wish my mom would email me back.

i wish my back would never hurt again.

i wish i didn't have to study.

i wish things didn't make me awkward.

i wish sin had no place in my life.

i wish i could love people better.

i wish i wasn't so selfish.

i wish peanut butter wasn't a million calories and a hundred grams of fat.

i wish memorization was easy.

i wish i knew what my gifts are.

i wish i had the gift of a French tongue.

i wish i was more bold.

i wish i knew what to say.

i wish things didn't affect me... that my feelings wouldn't get hurt.

i wish i wasn't last.

i wish i hadn't watched twilight. (don't get me wrong- good movie.)

i wish my name was sarah so i could fit in in my house (jk)

i wish i understood what He's doing.

i guess 3 won't cut it for me :)

im thankful for...

1. crusade.

2. my "tuscaloosa boys"- tyler, bradley, jonathan, trey. i think theyre great :)

3. time spent at gabrielle's

thoughtworthy, i suppose.

spring break is for relaxing- especially this spring break. the week has been good- ive made some new friends, gotten ridiculously sunburned, failed miserably at skim boarding, and started a book. and as the week has gone on, my list of things im thinking about has grown. they are including (but not limited to)...

1. do i pick up an accounting degree and have a double major in finance and accounting?

this is probably not going to happen. not only would i have to stay an extra semester for undergrad, id have to go to grad school to actually be a cpa. all for a job i have little to no interest in.

2. year-long internship on a young life property.

some family friends- eddy and eva evans- are down here with us, and eddy is the property manager at young life's windy gap. i told him my major and that i dont know what i want to do with it (erica piped in with "yes you do- you want to manage my ministry"- which is definite truth), and he told me to take a look at the internships. so that's what ive been doing this morning- a great distraction from my investments notes. within this idea are a couple options:

option #1: windy gap. weaverville (basically asheville), NC.  closer to home, 2.5 hours from charlotte, where kiley will be living. i already know the property manager, and i know i love the camp. 

option #2: frontier ranch or crooked creek ranch. both in colorado. farther from home, i wouldnt know a soul going out there. however, this has been a good situation for me in the past. id get to road trip out there (anyone want to come along?) and i'd definitely swing by the grand canyon. im named after the woman who's husband is the director of the western YL, so i kinda have an in there, too. not to mention ive always wanted to live in colorado for a year. the thought of being that far away from friends and family scares me.

beyond location... what would i want to DO? there are several areas- housekeeping, landscaping, guest services, kitchen, etc. honestly, i love the idea of being an office coordinator-type person, but still working the camp.

i love this idea. i have a year to think and pray about it. so that's what im going to be doing.

3. "it's the glory of a man to overlook an offense."  im not good at this. 

4. all my friends are getting boyfriends. while im terribly excited for each new relationship, its getting a little weird. i feel like 85% of my friends went from single to dating in the past 10 months. scary. in the words of john day "i guess we're really growing up, arent we?"

yeah. i guess we are.

5. sdea internship this summer. ready to know if im getting it or not. not knowing and having to be a sitting duck for summer plans is killing me. i like plans. let me plan, dang it.

onething, summer nights in march, and friends :)

onething was this weekend. it was my first true ihop experience. except one time i went to ihop atlanta's sunday morning service. it was good... i liked the worship a lot. i like being in the presence of the Lord. on friday night we got there 2 1/2 hours late (oops). tyler and matt makar were freaking out about it; the girls (kaitlin chance, lauren ferrel, me) were chill- surprise. but that night i got mr. paul to pray for me, and im so glad i did. he hears the Lord. and he heard him for me. he said a lot of things, but here's the one that overwhelmed me. the Lord said "thank you." to ME. um, im sorry, but what?? why in the world would the Lord, who does everything for me, who is the only reason i can do anything for him, say thank you to ME? oh my gosh. talk about humbling. it made me weep. he had me pray out some stuff too... it was just good. i miss being ministered to like that. 

saturday we did the morning session, then i had to skip out on the afternoon one to study (story of my life), and then back for the night session. and then drove home. 

best part of the weekend: Jesus time with mr. hughes and seeing sandra :)

worst part of the weekend: not sleeping, i guess.

seeing sandra made me miss her more. and bill and john and how things used to be. i cried when i told her bye. granted id slept 4 hours the night before, but i just really love her. she points me to Jesus every time. 

im thankful for:

1. the three little roommates song

2. that erica took over the kids desk at church so i could sleep

3. asparagus

it's happening to you, too.

today i was alone in the house washing dishes and i realized that i was singing to myself- "that thing you do." i smiled because sara's voice- "you are just like your mom," ran through my head. she says that to me a lot. she's probably the person down here that knows my mom and me the best. as the thought went through my head that i am becoming my mother, my smile grew. i like my mom. she has her flaws, but she's really pretty great. she tells me not to stress about school, she's proud of everything i do, she puts anyone at ease. she carries grace in an amazing way. she has the best laugh in the whole world. she gives killer back rubs and scratches. she took raising us seriously, but not in a way that kept her from enjoying us and goofing off with us. she always laughs at my stupid stories. every time i babysit i think about her. i want to be a mom like her. she and my dad are a great team- ive never once had to worry about their marriage. they complement each other in every way. he's practical, she's daydreamy. hes good at math, shes good at english. she can sing, he can keep a beat. she does small things to let you know her love, he does big things. she's too trusting, he's too skeptical. they work. 

when i picture my mom, she's usually singing. she loves music. james taylor, paul simon, the beatles. squirrel nut zippers, steve tyrell, diana krall. "her" music. when we used to go to the grocery store she would sing as she pushed the cart down the aisle, bobbing her head and dancing around. she has no rhythm. it used to embarass me; now i do the exact same thing. (these are the times where i get the comment from sara) she loves birds. she used to pull out her "North American Bird Anthology" to look up the birds that landed on our porch all the time. she doesn't do that so much any more, but only because she knows all their names now. 

i often wish she was here. she would tell me to take a break from studying, i think. so i did. thanks mom :)